Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sext me about skeletons
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
