Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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