Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How's work?
Spinning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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