Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
