I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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