non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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