the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just sent this text using only my big toe
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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