It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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