I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
