Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
