He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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