im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
