You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
