just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
