How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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