Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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