Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
