Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
