i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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