I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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