I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
