Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
