My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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