We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
