Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
