Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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