You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
