whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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