He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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