well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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