dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
