Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
