i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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