i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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