Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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