Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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