So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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