Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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