I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You can't motorboat a personality
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
