I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Boobs are out for the taking
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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