well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
