So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
