Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
