I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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