Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
