Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
