I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my being single is dangerous.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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