Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
