I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
