I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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