so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
