Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
