I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
